so, although this will date back into the wee years of lj, and will embarrass me... probably forever, here is a list of every fic in this journal.

by fandom:

( lotrips )
( harry potter )
( y tu mama tambien )
( boondock saints )
( supernatural )
( heroes )
( american idol rps )
( rps: random fandoms )
( fps: random fandoms )

after all this work, and all this time, you turned out to be just another boy who doesn't care enough to ask me questions about my life. awesome.

hi, interwebs. how are you tonight?

since i'm here, and around, and this will probably NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, here's yet more fic. this actually was supposed to be longer, but things being as they are... it probably will never be finished. so have some. i'm also considering blowing everyone's mind (read: veronica's mind) by posting the 15,000 word spn story i never finished.... but maybe i'll save that for another weekend.

warning: if you just read "take what we want...", don't read this. it might kill your buzz. in fact it might kill all buzzes ever. it may also kill puppies.

the killing moon
kris/adam; nc-17; 2400 words
this is the worst thing you've ever done.
notes: totally unbeta'd! also, the first porn i've ever posted! also, seriously dysfunctional! hooray. title from the echo and the bunnymen song.
( If this is going to happen, Adam thinks, it’s going to happen like this.  )

oh my god, you guys. OH MY GOD. senior year is kicking the shit out of me. i barely have time to eat most days, let alone ROLL AROUND IN FANDOM. it is seriously sad. anyway, here's this thing i wrote.... a really long time ago.

take what we want and give the rest away
kris/adam; pg-13; 6100 words
fandom cliche #82: in which the heroes get older, grow up and fall in love.
notes: beta'd by wutendeskind, to whom i am very very grateful. title from the kinks' song "strangers." also: obligatory j2 shout out included.
( Three years after Idol, Kris and Katy divorce. )

i can't even face my flist right now.

LAST TOUR PERFORMANCE HOMG


ALSO MY LIFE IS FALLING APART


S
O
S

ugh. long story short, my roommate/hetero lifemate/friend who i love but am secretly competitive with and i both auditioned for our school's big musical. neither of us have done a musical in like four years, we're both in a cappella groups, we're like comparable singing wise though she is a little better than me. we both got called back, but i got the "rando chorus" callback and she got called back for the lead.

wah fucking wah. i'm so happy for her, but i'm also seriously butthurt. i mean, i hope i get in anyways and it will still be fun but like... just, whatever, it sucks kind of.

ALSO, i am maybe getting back together with my kind of ex? but it all hinges on whether or not he can get his shit together enough to decide whether he actually is, you know, physically attracted to me? which is really awesome for my self esteem.

blah blah, whine whine.

1) i just saw harry potter 6 for the... fourth... time. i still really like it. tom felton's acting/hotness still impress me, and, even though the second half kinda falls apart, the first half is paced well, acted well and generally awesome. also the sound editing and score are fucking INCREDIBLE, and the cinematography is beeeeeeyootiful. ♥

2) so i'm kind of into cookleta now? even though i don't even really know who either of them are? WHAT IS MY LIFE.

( blah blah real life cakes. )

oh em gee i am so fucking tired. driving 12 hours alone is draining enough; doing it on 4 hours sleep is worse. on the plus side, i am 1/3 of the way to vermont.

a) i just had a two hour phone conversation with my sort-of ex, and it was... really awesome. we get along so well, and i'm psyched that we are still friends and kind of like "what was i thinking" on the whole dating thing at all, but whatevs.

b) that conversation ended with me promising to send him links about KRADAM, because he is a) extremely gay and b) as nerdy as me so i just sent him like a primer email on kradam. um, AWESOME.

c) i just uploaded some kris+adam and j2 fanvids onto my nano to watch when i am sad. shameful or amazing? i'm going with amazing.

everyone's a building burning
kris/adam, r, 1250 words
adam is everywhere, even when he's not.
notes: beta'd by the lovely wutendeskind, who i met through idolmeta's dating beta service. this is my first foray into airps, so, there's that. title is from "blame it on the tetons" by modest mouse.
( Adam has a freaky magical ability to be everywhere, all the time. )

so i spent the whole day redoing my delicious page, because that is obviously a really good use of an entire day.


more importantly, what do people think of an ai/dr. horrible crossover in which kris and dr. horrible fall desperately in love?

so, while abstractly i realized that turning 21 and being the legal age for drinking meant that one day, i would get drunk with my parents, i didn't realize it would happen so soon.

so i have written 2.5 kris+adam stories in the last two weeks and i have posted none of them because they are all HOT MESSES and are waiting on being beta'd. but just so you know, people, there is PORN, and it is coming. (har har.)


eta: noooo i am missing the idolmeta fic discussion tomorrow. i wanted to hang out in there, and, you know, discuss.

okay okay no one cares but:

for my a cappella group, i am arranging kris allen's version of "heartless." but all the girls in my group were basically like "tl;dr" because the melody is kind of repetitive. sooo when a song is boring we usually try and mix it with another song, so we were trying to come up with a song to splice it with, and omg. ALONE. BY HEART.

i knoooow it sounds weird but i'm pretty sure it will sound SICK. especially when kris goes, "you'll never find nobody better than meeeeee" and goes up, i envision the background stopping for that note, beat of silence, then BOOM POWER CHORD INTO "TILL NOW, I ALWAYS GOT BY ON MY OWN." it will be fucking GLORIOUS. i am so psyched.

can it please be tomorrow so i can sit down at my piano and figure this shit out? kthnxbye.

okay, so i spilled some coffee on my keyboard, but i have a little latex keyboard cover so i was like, no sweat, and took the thing off and washed it. THEN FIVE MINUTES LATER MY SCREEN WENT BLACK. and it wouldn't come back. and i like freaked out and closed it and took out the battery and pushed the power button a million times and was already composing my "dear parents, plz to buy me a new computer even though clearly i am an idiot" speech, and then it was like BZZZZRT and came back.

wtf. I HATE IT WHEN TECHNOLOGY FUCKS WITH YOUR HEAD JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT.

...and not enough experience in photoshop. whatevs. i present: icons.


( +21 )

+ comment/credit
+ use as bases if you want
+ resources here

also, okay, ew, the easiest way to gross yourself out about yourself is to read old lj entries. officially.

okay, doing that master post was a serious mindtrip. first of all, apparently i am most productive in march; second of all, 2003 was a really long time ago; third of all, shit, i wrote a lot of fucking lotrips in high school; fourth of all, i am and always have been really awful at giving shit titles. wah fucking wah.

which i am so not even a part of, but totally would have been, had this happened a few months down the road, or if something similar had happened in some other fandom i was heavily involved in. also, i have been doing a lot of thinking about fandom/fanfiction/interwebs in general because i wrote a paper on it this summer, so anyway:

common logic tells us that the internet is fake, because it's a series of constructions: because people have control over the images they're projecting of themselves. that nice girl who invites you over could be a gross old man who wants to rape you, etc. etc., because it's assumed that when the opportunity arises, everyone will lie about themselves. and to some extent that's probably true-- god knows i lied about my age in fandom for years. but experience tells everyone who has ever participated meaningfully/extensively in an internet community that the internet is totally real. real connections are made with people; real, meaningful work is produced and shared; real emotions are at play. the emotional risk is lessened because there's still about three thousand smokescreens between you and the other person, but it's still there. the problem is, though, the internet is real: people do the same dumb shit, make the same mistakes, and are the same people they are in real life. and in big communities, there's going to be cliques-- whether you call them BNFs or make secret communities for them, they exist. it's exciting to be a part of it, and it sucks to be outside of it, just like in real life. so when shit gets real in internet comms, the way it just did, shit gets fucking real, but people who've never been a part of an internet community don't really ever understand that. there's a shame factor about "emotions on the internet," so sharing those hurt feelings and betrayal in "real life" is pretty much not happening-- so people seek out new internet communities, they get bigger, and the same things happen.

basically, it sucks that people are getting/got hurt in this whole debacle, and pretending that ontd_ai or ANY sizable community is a place where "SRS BSNS" isn't allowed and shouldn't be encouraged is stupid. even if the point of the community is lightheartedness, the srs bsns is the connections being made between people.

aaaaand i just wrote this whole thing because i have ten more days left of vacation and very very little to do with my time. lalala, i'll shut up now.